As The World Burns
by Hypermon
Summary: Behold, my first fic in 3 years. I feel so old. This story, unlike many other attempts at humor actually HAS a plot. I hope you all enjoy it. If not, then too bad. Review please!


Disclaimer, I don't own pokemon...although if I did, I would probably make it more interesting.

Anyway, don't be offended at this story. I have a weird sense of humor. If you don't then I feel sorry for you. Behold, my first fic in 3 years, if you don't review you will pay!

AS THE WORLD BUUURRRNNNSS

Once upon a Poke-Time, Ash Ketchum, Misty, and Brock were walking down a forest path, keeping their eyes peeled for new and exciting pokemon or people to pass by. 

Naturally since they were all school dropouts, homeless, smelly, and the only friends they had were creatures with a one-word vocabulary...I'd say they'd be rather eager for action.

Anyway.

Ash took out his pokedex and starting messing with it. Misty complained about her feet hurting. Togepi chirped. Brock walked into a tree, since his 'eyes' prevented him from seeing. Pikachu trailed behind the other morons.

Suddenly, a crazy man holding a book was running down the path. He was screaming "The Apocalypse is coming! Run for your lives!" 

Ash gasped and stopped the man from running. "Whats going on? Tell me your life story so I can somehow, with my limited intelligence and skill still manage to solve this mysterious dilemma!"

The man opened up the book with shaky hands and shoved a random page of it into Ash's face. Ash read the page which was also accompanied with a sketchy picture of some legendary pokemon capable of mass destruction if its habitat was destroyed or whatever cheese usually manages to anger pokemon.

The page read "When the Stupid One comes too near,

The sea will become dry

The sky will no longer be clear

And all life will suffer miserably and DIE."

"See? See? See?!" The crazed man said.

Ash nodded as if he understood but obviously he didn't. Misty then came from behind, acting all amazed when in reality, it was some lame excuse to get closer to Ash's Ass(notice that Ass was capitalized). Brock then stayed in his spot. Since the old crazy man wasn't a young crazy woman with perky breasts, he had no interest in him.

"So..what were you running away from?" Ash asked the man.

The man looked behind him, as if he temporarily forgot. "Oh thats right. The town nearby is on fire because a big apocalyptic pokemon is attacking it." The man explained matter-of-factly. With that, he snatched his book back from Ash's deathly grasp. Cleared his throat, tested the wind and ran past Ash screaming.

"We have to stop this killer pokemon even though all we have is stupid unevolved pokemon like Pikachu who is still mysteriously able to electrocute pokemon like Golem!" Ash balled his fists. The 'ol fighting spirit was kicking in again. Brock looked a bit constipated. Kind of like Wobbuffet. 

With that, the trio ran straight in the direction the crazy man was running AWAY from. Eventually, they reached the edge of the forest and saw a big pokemon that looked like a dragon(read: Godzilla) currently stomping on buildings like a child in a toy store does when their parents refuse to buy them anything. Not that...a child can't stomp on buildings..unless they're LEGOS or something.

Back to the plot:..

Ash ran into the city, totally ignoring his common sense. Hey, didn't your mom ever teach you to never run into a burning city with a giant dragon attacking it? Sheesh. Pikachu followed Ash. Misty and Brock just stayed in the forest, too scared to move.

Ash stopped when he was right by the Dragon.

"Hmmm..the pokemon looks like a fire type so I'll use something thats weak against fire type pokemon!" Ash said. He took out a pokeball and sent out Bayleef.

"Bayleef! Use Razor Leaf!"(hey, that rhymes!) Bayleef ran up to the Dragon's toe and used Razor Leaf. It was...needless to say..ineffective. The leaves bounced off the dragon like feathers.

Ash growled since his masterful plan to kill the whiley beast was foiled. "Ok Bayleef, lets try a Headbutt!"

Bayleef rammed its head into the Dragon's foot. No effect. The Dragon apparently felt this tiny prick and looked down where he saw Ash and the Bayleef. Just barely. Actually, the Dragon saw nothing but two little specks on the ground. Three if you count Pikachu. But nobody gives a damn about Pikachu. He turned around to face Ash and accidentally smushed Bayleef flat as a pancake. Ash looked shocked. The Dragon seemed irritated. It had pokemon guts on its foot.

The Dragon roared angrily because thats what Dragons do.

"Cool!" Ash said in amazement. "I better not pass this opportunity up to catch it!!! I'll be able to beat the next gym leader with it(not to mention the pokemon doesn't even FIT into a gym)"

Ash then sent out Totodile. Totodile did a little dance, being happy as ever even though a giant monstrous beast was standing right there.(some pokemon do not know fear when they see it)

"Water Gun!" Ash shouted with utmost enthusiasm.

Totodile shot a stream of water from its mouth at the huge foot which was about as big as a car."

The water just washed the muck and dirt off the Dragon's foot just like a hose would if you were washing a car.

The Dragon stepped on Totodile too, killing it instantly.

"Oh no!" Ash shouted. "I must figure out a way to stop this pokemon or the whole world will be destroyed and if I don't catch it, it'll take me 300 hundred more episodes until I beat the Elite Four instead of just 200."

Suddenly, Team Rocket comes up, wanting to steal Pikachu.

"We're Team Rocket! We steal from the rich and give to the poor! I mean, Prepare for Trouble!" James said.

Meowth looked up at the Dragon and instantly ran away in fear. Looks like somebody has some sense at least. Jesse grabs Pikachu with rubber gloves and shoves it into a rubber ball thing. James cackles insanely and they run away also. Ash is now truly lost and alone. Alone in a burning, half destroyed city with a humongous Dragon pokemon. 

"What am I going to do?!?!" Ash cries as he sends out his Noctowl in hopes it could do something. 

The Noctowl perches on Ash's shoulder and picks at its feathers. "Noctowl! Get Pikachu back from Team Rocket!" The pokemon stares at Ash for a while. "WELL?!! GOO!!" Ash shouts as he shooes Noctowl away. The pokemon flies to the edge of the forest, perches in a tree and goes to sleep.

The Dragon is now tired of standing in the city and moves forward to cause more destruction.

"NO!" Ash shouts.

Just then a short and wrinkly old woman appears and walks up to Ash: "What are you doing here you fool?" Obviously for those of you that have ever seen a pokemon know that this old mysterious woman is going to be the 'key' in solving the problem of the apocalyptic pokemon...

Ash turns around quickly and sees the old woman running(not very fast...but still running) towards him. She grabs Ash's ahoulder and squeezes really hard.

"YOU are the Stupid One!" the woman shakes her head, "You should not be here! Haven't you read the prophecy?!"

Ash stares at her. 

The old woman quickly grabs Ash and drags him away from the Dragon. They stop in an alley. The woman takes out a book which greatly resembles the book that crazy old guy from the beginning had. She flips through it and looks at Ash evilly. 

You are indeed the Stupid One. You are the only one that can save the world! Here, the PokeBible says so!

Ash seems excited. He thinks back to the time of the second pokemon movie(the one with Lugia and that guy who wanted to collect all the legendary birds) and thinks of how cool that was. 

"Ok! How can I help save the world?!" Ash asks.

The old woman takes out a knife from her pocket and stabs Ash in the Ass. Ash then falls on his Ass from shock and pain. Then, the old woman stabs him in the heart. Ash is laying in the alley, going through the stages of death until finally he's completely DEAD. The second that happens, the giant Dragon off in the distance stops moving. It starts to shake, its skin starts to sizzle...sizzle like bacon. Then light pink fur starts growing all over its body. Its red reptilian skin is replaced by PINK FUR. Its starts shrinking also...shrinking...shrinking....until its about as big as a bunny...infact. It is a bunny. Its a new species of pokemon called "Moned"(get it? Demon backwards...hyuck hyuck) 

Anyway back to Ash, the old woman and the remaining citizens of the destroyed city take Ash and like....tear his limbs apart and eat him for breakfast...or something of that sort. Cannibalism is funny. The mayor of the city whose name happens to be Mr. Ed writes the final chapter of the PokeBible and it goes a little something like this:

And so after the Stupid One is smited,

the world will finally return to normal,

He, with his Pikachu and stupid baseball cap is finally dead,

the world will no longer need to worry,

about Ash Ketchum constantly bringing us misery,

The pokemon will now live in peace forever

Since The Stupid One was never 'big enough' to breed.

Amen.

One year later.....

Brock and Misty decided to build their own gym called "Brock and Misty's Gym of DOOM. Togepi evolved into Togetic and was TWICE as annoying as it normally was because it now had the ability to fly.

Pikachu evolved into Raichu because Team Rocket shoved a Thunder Stone down its throat. PikaRaichu then got bitten by a rabid Zigzagoon(I'm sorry, that thing is freaking UGLY) and it killed all the Team Rocket people. Then after that it died.

Ash's mom was so sad at her son's death that she killed herself. Professor Oak married Tracy in California. The bunny pokemon I mentioned earlier, Nomed, wandered around the world aimlessly until it discovered a farm of chicken. It stole their eggs and gave them to children because it wanted the children to die cruelly of cholesterol-clogged arteries....just to make sure another Stupid One would never be born. But it didn't work. The children survived. But Nomed didn't give up. Every year in spring, it comes to the houses of little children, bringing them unhealthy treats wrapped in shiny, appealing foil. Hmmm...

Oh yea and here is Nomed's pokedex entry:

Nomed, the Apocalptyic Pokemon. This cute pokemon has the softest fur in the world and the sweetest blue eyes. It likes chasing chickens and killing children. Approach with extreme caution. I would show you all a picture of Nomed, but I can't post it in this story....

Eeeee I forgot to mention Gary, Ash's rival. Well...he like became a pimp or something.

The end.

Please please please review. If you do, I'll give you some stuff. Myystteeerrriiioouuuss stuff...but cool. If you hated this story good for you! If you liked it, good for you! 


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